existence.

As you will soon learn, cancer research is a cause very close to my heart. My father is a pediatric oncologist/hematologist at a nearby hospital. The hospital he works at is host to an organization called The Four Diamonds Fund. When Christopher Millard, son of Charles and Irma Millard, passed away due to cancer at age fourteen over thirty years ago, the Millards decided to take action. They created the Four Diamonds Fund, a foundation that helps the families of pediatric cancer patients at the medical center, not only financially, but emotionally. The Four Diamonds Fund also pays for the salaries of extra workers such as nutritionists and Child Life specialists, who help the patients during difficult hospital stays and procedures. The Four Diamonds fund is associated with Pennsylvania State University's annual Dance Marathon, commonly referred to as simply "THON." During the duration of this event, hundreds of college students sacrifice their time and effort to stand on their feet for forty-six consecutive hours, and thousands of volunteers pitch in in order to raise money for the Four Diamonds Fund. This year alone, Penn State students raised $7,490,133.87 for the Four Diamonds Fund, and overall, THON has raised over 52 million dollars for the kids. 

THON is the largest student run philanthropy in the world. This year was my sixteenth THON, and what I believe to have been the most meaningful THON I have attended. While there, I noticed the smiling faces of bald children, perfectly happy to run and play freely. And their bravery amazes me. When I see a young child of only eight or nine smiling in contentment, it warms my heart. THON is an event that is all about cancer awareness, but the ironic thing is, it is the one time that a young victim of pediatric cancer can feel normal. In a class full of healthy children with full heads of hair, a pale face and a bald head are glaringly obvious. But when on a dance floor filled with numerous bald heads, a child is normal. For one weekend of the year, a child can forget about his or her illness. It was this year that I truly began to notice the profound effect that THON and the Four Diamonds Fund has had on the lives of these children. And that was when I made a decision. I had always been unsure about what my desires were in terms of my secondary education, but at THON, I decided that I needed to attend Penn State. I can't imagine my life without THON, and I want to be a bigger part of this amazing event. I want to make a difference in the lives of these children.

During an assembly for the Mini-Thon of my own school, my school's Four Diamonds child, Eli, stepped up to the microphone. I expected to hear the nervous voice of an unsure child coming from the twelve year old, but instead Eli began to speak with ease. He answered questions about his experience with his type of cancer, Ewing's sarcoma, a cancer of the bone. One student asked, "What does it feel like knowing that you could die any day?" Eli responded with ease. "Hey, I could walk out of this building right now and get hit by a bus and die. Everyone's going to die one day. It's natural." I was amazed with the wisdom of this young boy. He had such a fresh perspective on life, especially for someone his age. As a two time cancer survivor, Eli told the audience that he values any and all forms of life. After the assembly was over, many of my friends came up to me and commented about how much they loved Eli. It was amazing to me how one child could inspire so many people... including me. 

Undecided.

Undecided. When asked to describe myself in one word, this is the word that I chose. Although careers is admittedly the sorriest excuse of a class I have ever been in, the results of this assignment slightly suprised me. While my classmates wrote generic descriptors such as "unique" or "athletic," I chose "undecided." In many ways, this is the best word to describe myself. As one of the few in my class who continues to be clueless about what I desire as a future career, I'm not exactly someone who could be referred to as decisive. This may be why I've been falling behind academically lately. Because I don't have a particular career or goal to work towards, I've been finding myself rather lethargic and unmotivated of late. Sure, I spend a good chunk of my time contemplating the future, a bit too much time, even, but for some reason I continue to be unmotivated. I believe I spend excessive time focusing on what I my desires for the future, and not enough time focusing on where I need to be now. It has been slowly taking its toll on my life lately, and I haven't reached a decision about a solution, but something needs to be done. I refuse to sit on the sidelines and watch my dreams crumble before my own eyes.