Resolutions.

New Years Resolutions. Some are resolutions, some seem more like items on a to do list. Either way, here goes nothing...

1. Get into Penn State!

2. Have a more healthy diet. More fruits and veggies, less junk food. (Ask Dad to stop buying so much of it).

3. Stop spending so much time on the computer.

4. Read. A. Freaking. Book.

5. Go outside more often.

6. Spend less money on clothing and accessories.

7. Get a summer job.

8. Clean my room everyday.

9. Brush Juff at least once a week.

10. Exercise more. Try to do crunches every day and go to the gym a few times a week. If all else fails, take the dog for a walk.

11. Draw more often.

12. Be more patient.

13. Finally use the Crest whitestrips that have been sitting in the bathroom for the past 4 months.

14. Moisturize!

15. Try to control my volume. Seems impossible, but worth a shot.

16. Get some more smellgoods. And use them frequently.

17. Get a haircut.

18. Finish the basement.

19. Actually vaccuum my car.

20. Lint roll clothing. Every. Day.

21. Get some mascara from a company that DOESN'T test on animals. Avon, perhaps?

22. Attempt to eliminate fish from my diet.

23. Actually do the English reading?!?! There's a thought.

24. Go hardcore at physics homework. Do it ALL the night before and have Dad check it. Oh, and do the problem of the week every week.

25. Take more pictures. And videos.

26. Learn to play guitar.

27. Write more.

28. Stop freaking out so much about things. Take a chill pill.

29. Gain some confidence.

30. Enjoy myself! It's my last year of high school so I need to make it count.

Life Is Strange

Worst blogger ever? That'd be me. Anyways, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I feel like the past year has been one giant case of writer's block and procrastination. I've been avoiding so many things. College is such a huge concern right now, and applications are driving me insane. It's funny, I've known what I would write my Penn State application essay on since I was about eight years old. But now that the time has finally come to write it, I'm at a complete loss. How can I put into words the most indescribable emotions I've ever felt, the most wonderful feelings I've ever experienced? College is creeping closer and closer, and I have completely mixed emotions about it. Up until this year, I spent all of my time looking forward to a time when I could meet new people, live on my own, and be completely independent. But I'm just now starting to realize that it comes at a price; I can't wrap my head around just how much I'm going to miss all of my friends and being a crazy, immature teenager. Not that I can't do that at college. But it'll be... different. I'm finally starting to be spontaneous and enjoy life, and BAM, just like that it's all going to be over soon.

Life always seems to go that way. All through high school, I felt incomplete, as though something was missing. I was never really happy, always wanting more. But now, I feel like I've finally found it. Whatever that thing is that was missing, it's not anymore. Particularly in my social life. I've had a group of great friends all through high school (and I am thankful for that!) But before now, I felt as though we never did much together, never fully connected. But amidst a downpour of Nerf gun bullets at an after homecoming party with my friends, I came to a realization. I'm finally happy! I'm now the type of person that takes random trips to Tokyo Diner and Fiesta Mexico for no reason at all with an even more random group of friends. I stay after school talking with an old friend for two hours for no particular reason. I'm liberated, free, hopeful. I feel like taking risks and blurting out my feelings about everyone. I've never really cared about what people thought of me, but now it's like I've lost all regard for popularity and the opinions of others. And I've finally found someone I feel like I could be happy with... it may just be wishful thinking for now, but the fact that I could actually be interested in someone from my school, someone I already have a great friendship with? It's a whole new world for me - a fantastic world!

I'm high on life right now, and I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything.

Negatives.

So, I am in desperate need of some venting; therefore, I'm making a list of the things I hate. Just a few of the plethora of things that I hate about myself, the world, everything. Excuse how emo this will probably sound.

I hate this year.

I hate who I've become.

I hate that I don't have a best friend.

I hate that I'm lazy.

I hate that I procrastinate.

I hate that no matter what I do, I can't force myself to actually try in school.

I hate that I can't apologize.

I hate that I'm a bitch sometimes.

I hate that everytime I've tried something new this year, I've failed.

I hate my lack of motivation.

I hate how I can't seem to resist talking about that one friend behind her back.

I hate that I'm always making excuses.

I hate that I'm not my own advocate often enough.

I hate that I'm always late.

I hate that I don't have the guts to ask a guy out.

I hate that I always say stupid/awkward things.

I hate how I treat people sometimes.

I hate that I can't seem to talk to people about my problems.

I hate that I always fall for the wrong guys.

I hate that people are rude.

I hate that I'm so loud, and I hate when people don't believe that I can't help it.

I hate that I make a terrible first impression.

I hate that when I feel awkward I get loud and eat a lot.

I hate that I'm always putting things off.

I hate when I'm two-faced.

I hate that I have so many regrets.

I hate that I live in the past and the future, but never the present.

I hate that I can't let things go.

I hate that I'm always wishing I were someone else.

I hate how critical I am.

I hate my low self-esteem.

I hate writer's block.

I hate how picky I am.

I hate death.

I hate when bad things happen to good people.

I hate when people mix corn with other food.

I hate that I can't use the advice I give to other people on myself.

I hate that people think just because I'm loud I can't keep a secret.

I hate how judgemental people are.

I hate that I rarely cry.

I hate that I never tell people how I really feel.

Ah, yes, that really did sound incredibly emo. To make up for it, I promise my next post will include a few things I like about myself. In all honesty though, that was quite therapeutic.